Dad Knows Best, Part Two

In part one of this post, I discussed the importance (and payoff!) of trusting God with wherever He leads. This is something I've always learned in the church, but it had not become real for me until a few months ago when I first began to consider going on an international mission trip with Ambassadors, a part of an organization called Adventures in Missions that allows high school students to be international missionaries for 2-4 week periods. I have always dreamt of someday doing an international mission, but I never considered that time could be now until I found out about Ambassadors. I didn't even know that AIM had trips for high school students before actually looking at their website one day. (Ambassadors and AIM are fantastic organizations, by the way! I encourage you to check out their website here, whether or not you're even interested in missions! The stories they share are amazing and God is so evidently moving in their work.)
After several weeks of praying and dreaming, I felt like God might have been calling me to go. In some ways, it felt like perfect timing...but in many other ways it didn't, especially considering my age and my lack of mission-magnitude-money-making skills. ;p
I had been stressed before just over making the decision to even pursue this opportunity, so just having a clearer idea that it was what I was supposed to do made me feel better. I decided to talk to my parents about it and seriously begin working towards a mission this summer. I finally had a plan and felt relieved. Everything was going so well until just a few days later that same week when one of the directors from my church's student ministry invited me to apply for a Christian leadership camp at a stateside university. And that's when I was just like, "Okay, Lord...wow. This is awesome, but now I have absolutely no earthly idea what you want me to do." To which I heard Him promptly reply, "That's okay. You don't have to know what to do but I do--I already do--and you can trust that WHEREVER I lead you is gonna be good." And for the first time in all my tough decisions, I truly felt at peace and okay with whatever He had planned for me.
So almost exactly a week after I had previously decided to go on an Ambassadors mission to Guatemala or the Philippines, I applied instead for the camp at Asbury University in Kentucky...and honestly, I couldn't be happier with my decision. It was a little tricky at first, and I was caught completely off guard since I thought I would be going on a mission trip. I look back at that plan that I had and just smile...because the Lord ended up making it so clear in a variety of ways that this was what I am meant to do in this season, and I love seeing the ways that He orchestrated everything to where I would eventually arrive at this place.

One thing that I started doing as soon as I began to pray about the mission was contact friends to pray for me and share their mission experiences. The answers and advice I received were all so helpful, but one of my friends shared a comment that really struck me.
"Instead of praying and asking if He wants you to go....start praying, 'Lord, if you want me there, start providing.' Whether that means opportunities or financial means to conversations--He will abundantly provide if that's what He wants!"
Looking at all the aspects of this camp, I think that this is what God is providing. Money had been a concern with taking the mission, whereas the camp cost significantly less. The mission would provide an amazing experience sharing God's Gospel worldwide, but the camp would give me practical ways to live out my faith and call to disciple here where I am now. I'm not sure if possibly next year He'll have a mission trip in His plans for me, but either way I am trusting because I have seen that His plans are good, especially through discerning for this experience in the past few months!
I think the hardest part of it all was just learning to listen to the Lord and be open to anything He might say. I so so struggle to listen and discern His will...I already am a horrible quick decision maker and trying to tackle that on a God sized scale has always been super difficult and stressful for me, but through this season, the Lord has taught me He is so worthy of trust. His plans for me are good. He is not here to crush my dreams. Let me say it again: His plans for me are good.
I remember for some reason thinking that I wanted to go on the mission, and He probably had the opposite in mind and I was just listening to my own heart talking....as if because I wanted something it certainly couldn't be His will. But I heard Him whisper to me in that moment, "No, child. I want good things for you. Maybe this is your voice, but maybe, just maybe, it's mine. Don't discount an option because of your own ideas about it." That gave me peace and freedom to feel whatever emotions I felt about the idea of mission work and reminded me that while my instinct isn't always God's plan, it also isn't necessarily NOT His plan.
In all of this, He revealed to me more of His truth and goodness...as He always does! I love that amidst all the twists and turns my summer plans have made, I see Him working in all of it.
"Blessed is she who has believed the Lord would fulfill His promises to her." Luke 1:45
He promised me He would provide, and He was so so faithful in the most beautiful way.
Honestly, I couldn't be more excited. While it wasn't my original plan, I truly am so thankful and blessed by this opportunity...and again, it just reassures me once more that my Heavenly Father truly does know best.

I Saw Hope in Rocky Ford

How do I sum up the past five days of my life? They've been exhausting, joyous, eye opening, and beautiful. I honestly can't do justice for the work God did in Rocky Ford this past week. But the one word that He consistently brings to my mind?
HOPE.
Which is kinda awkward for me to write because 1) that's my own name and 2) that is one heck of a word to use, filled with such great power and meaning. However, I truly believe this is the word God has placed on my heart for Rocky Ford, the kind of hope only He can bring.
From the start of this little trip with my youth group, the Lord was clearly placing signs of hope in my path. When you travel 12 hours through barren plains and ghost towns, you learn a lot more about hope than you ever thought you knew. When the entire duration of your drive through the Oklahoma panhandle provides you with no phone service, you learn a lot about hope. And when you venture through a town called Happy, Texas and can't even find an open building to use the restroom in, I can assure you, you learn a lot about hope! It was in these little moments I first felt God truly opening my heart to this idea of hope.

We arrived in Rocky Ford around 6:30 in the evening, and though the sun was setting, I could already see some of the character of the little town.  Rocky Ford is a tiny city located in southeastern Colorado, and unlike much of the remaining and better-known areas of Colorado, it has no mountain views and no timber woods. In fact, Rocky Ford looks a lot like a town in West Texas or Oklahoma or Nebraska: just a plain, rural farming community. Rocky Ford is not the prettiest of places, and it's not a hopping tourist destination...but it's one of the most beautiful, hope-inspiring, Jesus-shining cities I've ever been to.

The town has only one high school, one movie theater, and no malls. The closest thing they have to a shopping strip is the little line of shops found on Main Street, and even there many businesses have closed their doors due to lack of business. When I first saw Rocky Ford in the daylight, it was kinda hard to grasp coming from my booming hometown. I have seen plenty of small towns before, but Rocky Ford was different; Rocky Ford had little hope.
Our first day in the city confirmed the vibe I got just from seeing the downtown strip. After hearing from the city manager, we learned that the people of Rocky Ford needed God's hope in more ways than we knew. A heroine epidemic, plentiful poverty, and an empty tax base were all hitting Rocky Ford...and hard. As we continued through the week, doing things like prayer walks and meeting with community leaders, we learned even further the depth of the need in the city. I had no idea. It was so much more than my eye could see. God showed me that even Rocky Ford hid brokenness and pain. It hurt, shocked, and puzzled me.
But He didn't end there.
As God showed me the need in the community, He also showed an abundance of His hope and provision. He showed me hope at the First United Methodist Church of Rocky Ford, where church members served and ate chili with us and little old ladies came up to kiss my cheeks and give me giant love-filled hugs. In meeting local farmers and hearing about their migrant workers, He whispered ideas into my brain to bring hope to them. Hearing the giggles and squeals from the church preschool when our students came to visit them...that brought me hope. CHRIST showed me HOPE in Rocky Ford, and it was so, so beautiful.

We spent only three days in Rocky Ford, but I felt like I learned so much about this precious city within that short time frame. More than that, I learned about God and His love for ALL people. The meek and the strong. The big and the small. His love is there with them. His love is everywhere, in all places, and it fills all things. What a JOY that is to witness.

I won't be back in Rocky Ford until our mission trip there this June, and that pains and excites my heart all at the same time! For right now, I am focusing on praying for my sweet new brothers and sisters in Rocky Ford as well as praising God--in advance--for the work I know He will do with our mission this summer. Would you please consider praying with me also, starting now, for this beautiful city? Even though you might not have been there yet, I can guarantee you that God has AMAZING things in store for this place, and I long for you to see the same hope I saw this past week lived out in Rocky Ford. Because HOPE is exactly what is happening here. 

Dad Knows Best, Part One

I find it funny how sometimes I think I know what's best for me.

Allow me to explain with an example.

Over the Presidents Day weekend, our family took a small road trip through the Hill Country. We ended up passing this river crossing in the middle of nowhere, and I encouraged our dad to stop the car so we could get out and take some photos. Out of concern that there would not be a good access point to get to the river, our dad decided not to stop and told us to just keep going to look for more another opportunity.

I'll admit I felt a little disappointed. What if we had just missed the perfect photo op? (I know, it might sound like a minimal concern, but for a family who drives out 50 miles just to get some pretty pics, it was an actual worry!) However, I wasn't about to disagree with my dad...and I ended up being so glad I didn't. We eventually passed this beautiful property, where even through the fence we could see the river. I could tell even from the outside that it would make a gorgeous photo, but as we passed, I never even considered going on the property to get to it. There may not have been a gate, but it was still someone else's land, and this girl did NOT want to get caught trespassing. My dad offered to turn around and I wanted to protest, but before I could say anything, we were headed back.

My worrywart brain was sounding its alarm as soon as we crossed into the driveway, but that anxiety quickly turned to sheer excitement. The land was absolutely stunning. Literally the BEST place we could have been for pictures. I looked to my right and I saw river, I looked to my left and I saw river, and I looked down and I saw river. We ended up getting out of the car and wading in the water for a few minutes, snapping some of my favorite photos from that day. It was a blast...even if I had felt a tad bit nervous at first.

That stop was probably the highlight of my day, but, honestly, without my dad there, I probably would have just as easily passed that perfect photo op, thinking it was too dangerous.

And as we left, that's when it hit me: how often do I not act the same with God? In my brain, I insist that my life should go a certain path or things should be a certain way because I truly believe that is what's best for me. I find it funny how I think I know what I'm doing, how so often I believe I know what's best for me, and yet I soon suddenly realize I was choosing so so wrong for me. In fact it was never my job to judge "what was best for me" at all. When I lift it all up to Him, I realize, low and behold, my Heavenly Father has had the very best plans for me all along.

“However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him-these are the things God has revealed to us by His spirit."
‭‭{1 Corinthians‬ ‭2:9‬-10 ‭NIV‬‬}

Sometimes we're looking for a place to just stop and take pretty pictures, and He just calmly, cooly tells us to wait, only to grab our hand minutes later and pull us into the actual river, allowing us to get a greater view than we could have ever imagined.
Sometimes waiting for that one crazy beautiful moment takes trusting in Him and ignoring the temptation to rely on our own judgment and personal experience. It might even take trusting that the risks you take to get there could be all worth it.

It's our human nature to rely on self judgment and personal experience, but what would it look like if instead we placed our lives into the hands of our loving father, whose plans for us go way beyond our wildest dreams? What if instead of accusing God of shutting down our dreams, why don't we consider the fact, the solid, cold hard truth that He simply has something better in store? His plans are for good. He is for you. His plans will never fail.

I think it's easy to get caught up in worldly plans made by worldly people, but His plans are greater and His ways are higher, and if we follow Him, we will never regret the choices we make.

I know this truth and I rest in it: my sweet dad in heaven really does know best.

P.S. The Lord has so awesomely made this lesson evident in my life in the past few months with a recent opportunity I was given. I can't wait to share it with you next week in Part Two of this post!

When You Feel Unwanted

I know how you feel.
When you look at the mirror and all you can see is the chubiness of your cheeks or the bigness of your nose or that ugly pimply formation that's constantly gaining size on your face. When you check your grades and you're the only one who bombed that last test. When you hear others laugh and you can't help but believe it's at you. When you feel like you are worth absolutely nothing and you feel anything, ANYTHING but wanted.
There are days I feel beautiful and loved and confident. But there are days when I look in the mirror and feel like literal poop.

Or in the side view mirror of a car. That works too. This day was especially poopy.

There are a million reasons I could give. The ways I constantly mess up in my life. The stupid mistakes I make on countless math worksheets. The silly things I've said or how I  have THE most obnoxious laugh. We constantly criticize ourselves for every little thing. Though our criticism seems so small, it all adds up...and we end up feeling like we are of little value at all. We end up feeling worthless. I know because I have been there.
But can I tell you something? Can I speak some truth right now that the Savior has placed in my heart to share, even though even I still have trouble sometimes believing it?
These are lies. These statements and claims our little brains make about ourselves, these measures and standards our teachers and parents and bosses and friends hold us to. Oh, they'll tell us all day we are unworthy. But Christ---Christ says we are more than enough.
Because of His perfect sacrifice on the cross, we are enough. We are made righteous, not by anything we have done or could do or any way we could act or anything we could say. You are loved not for what good you have done, what bad you have done, what good you haven't done, or what bad you haven't done. You are loved, friend, because you are His.
That's just that.
Allow me, just for a moment, to say this blessing over you.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)
You are awesome. You are just really super cool. YOU are. Reading this right now, you are loved. I can say that because I don't care who you are, and neither does Christ. He just knows you're His, and that is enough for Him.
You deserve a huge love. You are awesome. And quite frankly there's nothing you can do that would ever change that.
You don't need to keep searching for love. LOVE IS HERE. And child, you are more than enough.

Jesus > Chacos

I remember the day I bought them. My Chaco ZX/2 Yampa sandals.
I had been oogling them for at least a solid year. Almost every camp counselor or youth leader I knew owned a pair, and I quickly jumped on the Chaco bandwagon...but because they were so expensive, I actually bought a look-alike brand first! So when my grandmother offered to buy me a true pair of Chacos (the real deal y'all), I was pretty pumped. I giddily went with her to the local sports store and sat on a bench as the sales associate brought out different colors and sizes at my every command before finally settling on a rainbow version with a toe strap.

They were perfect. I could hardly take them off and probably wore those poor shoes for the remainder of that week! I loved Chacos for multiple reasons: they were comfortable, versatile, and I thought very cute. But I think there was another reason that I didn't fully realize that day for why I so desperately wanted Chacos, and I think it was actually rooted in something deeper, my identity.
I have to confess that perhaps one of the reasons I wanted Chacos was because I was placing my identity in them. I wanted to look like those camp counselors and youth leaders I knew. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I think it became that way for me. Camp counselors and youth leaders are great role models to look up to, but they are no match for Jesus. And as a disciple, isn't it really Jesus I am desiring to follow, not so much a worldly person? I'm afraid that when I got my Chacos, I was focusing more on my Christian friends and their cultural appearance than Jesus and His spiritual identity. I thought that if people saw me wearing them, they'd think, "She's a Chrisitian!" And while, sure, it's true that they might think that, is that really going to lead them to Jesus's love? Or does it just make me look cool and adventurous and like a Christian in my appearance...however the world views that?
Another tiny problem with my view of Chacos was that I thought they somehow made me look better, therefore making me better as a person. I suddenly felt the need to wear them everyday, like 24/7. It might sound super silly, but I would sometimes feel insecure without my Chacos, worried people would judge me as not the Christian good girl I wanted to be seen as. The thing is: that Christian good girl just doesn't cut it, and if I really believe in Jesus, I must not forget that my worth is found in so much more than my appearance. In fact, my worth isn't found in anything about myself...it's all about Him. My identity in faith is a daughter (wink wink @ blog title) of the most High King! When did I need some silly shoe to prove that?!
I am not saying Chacos are bad at all. I love Chacos and totally recommend them to every person who asks me about them! But I've learned to realize that they aren't my identity, and though they may make me look like a "Christian", they aren't really a tool for ministry, and what will really set me apart as a loving follower of Christ is not my footwear--it's my heart.
So I just want to encourage you, whether you own Chacos currently, want some, or even just don't get what all the craze is about, to remember where your identity is found and what being a Christian truly looks like. It doesn't really look like a certain brand of clothing or a special organization that you're in. It doesn't even really look like posting mission trip pictures and Bible verses on Instagram (although these aren't bad things). It is doing life with the greatest dad ever. It's not being afraid to step out of your comfort zone to love another person because you know He goes with you. It's having peace when you're faced with a scary situation because you trust He works all things together for your good. It's knowing you don't have to prove your worth as a person or your religious beliefs because faith is less about appearance and more about action, and identity is more about Jesus and less about your accomplishments.
Believe it today. Live it. And remember that Jesus is always better than Chacos. ;)

I'm About to Get a B...and Why I'm Okay With It

Hi. My name is Hope. I just got my very first B in school, and honestly, I'm OKAY with it.
Months ago, if you had told me I'd be getting my first B in my Algebra 2 class, I probably would have sobbed and thrown a little hissy fit. I've been a straight A student all my life, and that's something I've always prided myself on. It was also something I always planned on maintaining, and if I didn't, well...I wasn't sure what I would do. I guess I thought I would self implode?!
Well, clearly that didn't end up happening because I am standing here today to tell you about it...which brings up a good point. Getting a B was not the end of the world. It wasn't life threatening. In fact, it doesn't really mean much at all in my life when I really think about it. I doubt that I'm going to look back when I'm in my seventies and say, "Well, darn. That B in 10th grade really hurt everything." I also doubt that Jesus looks down and says this is a life changing moment for me. If any change it has made, it's positive! Because even when my GPA and rank change, His truth doesn't. I'm so thankful for that. I don't have to rely on perfect grades or even a perfect Christian life. Friends, we just have to rely on Him!! Oh what stress we could save ourselves if we knew that, if we truly believed it, if we lived it. Would you join me in believing His grace truly is enough to cover our imperfections, whether it be grades or mistakes or sins? He covers us in His love. He gives us a new name in Him. I am no longer straight A Hope, or Hope who just got a B. I am Hope, just His loved and cherished daughter. I am His, and you are too. Don't ever think a grade or accomplishment could ever change that, friends. You are so loved!
I don't know where you're at in your life right now. Maybe you just passed finals week and are doing everything you can to deny those one or two less-than-fantastic exam grades. Maybe you just feel stressed with life, like you can't measure up to the demands of this world. But wherever you're at, I know the Lord just wants to sweetly remind us: we are His. Even if just for a moment today, let's rest in that. Let's believe that He says who we are, and He calls us very good.
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:4-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Jesus Takes Our Junk

I'm so excited to write to you all today!
Just a forewarning: this post could be a little gross and TMI, but it will be so worth it. I promise. I have a reason here. Just bear with me, if you will.
So...living in a house that's 90% girls means we have messy bathrooms and cry sessions every night (okay, well, not every night, but close!). It also means that our shower can get really super clogged with hair after weeks and weeks of washing. (I know, ew!) We end up having to call our sweet dad (the only male in the house) to come and clean out the drain every couple months. He's awesome and always bears with it no matter how gross it is....which, trust me, it is! But on our most recent drain clean out, his willingness and gentleness in this humbling task caught me off guard. Rather, the Lord kinda caught me off guard through the moment. It was the most odd and surprising situation to hear from Him, but honestly, I really did-the Lord spoke this sweet beautiful truth into my heart that night, one that I so often forget but that is so so true, and I would love to share that with you. :)
You see, in my pops cleaning the shower, I saw more than just a kind dad who (somewhat begrudgingly) completes a necessary chore; I saw the love of our Savior in the most awesome way. Standing there over him at 11pm, when he could've been in bed or reading or doing something else more relaxing, he chose to come back to kindly do this thing he really could have left to my sister and I...yet we probably wouldn't do it near as well as he could. He could've complained there on his knees as he reached into piles of yucky hair mess. He could've ranted on us about not cleaning the shower enough or not telling him enough. But he didn't. And neither did Jesus make us wallow in our own sin. I'm so glad He didn't!
So let's take a look at this a little closer. As I thought more about this sweet truth, the Lord kept presenting me with more connections between my little shower cleaning experience and Jesus's mighty love for me, for all of us. Here's some of what I found...
-He does what we can't. He takes on the impossible for us and does it for our sake, out of nothing but pure LOVE. I had trouble believing it, but my dad made it sound like he really wanted to clean the shower for me. And so I think it is the same sometimes with us and Jesus, that He willingly forgives our sin and restores our hearts through His mighty salvation. We might not like or understand the idea of giving it all over to Him, but He does it. And it helps us SO MUCH.
-He takes our junk. We are undeserving and make mistakes, we feel like we should and really deserve to clean up our own mess. But Jesus gives us the greatest gift in saying that we don't have to clean up that mess. He takes it for us, gladly. He knows we can't clean our showers alone, and it is His joy to help us in that.
-He won't leave us in our junk. Out of His great great love for us, He chooses to take away all that nastiness that's clogging up our lives. He takes it out so that we might live freely, with His goodness flowing through us more fluidly than a freshly-cleaned drain.
-My father said he just wished that we had told him about the drain earlier so he could have cleaned it for us sooner. How often do you think God looks down/has looked that same way down upon us, wishing that we would stop putting it off or stressing about it and just bring our struggles, mistakes, worries, and sins to Him? He's the only one who can really take them and handle them, and He's so beyond willing and eager to go ahead and take these burdens for us.
-It's all about Him, not us. 'Cuz He is able to do more than we could ever do and everything we cannot do in our abilities. When we feel bad that we can't clean our showers, He's totally okay with it. He doesn't bully us for not being able to get it right all the time. He just willingly takes our sin where we are and guides us in that through His great love, that we might know His Love and His Way better.

{Can I just say there is nothing like a clean shower?!}
If a dad cares for a child like this, how much more will God not care for us? His word declares this powerful truth for us: “'Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!'”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:9-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬
Friends, He LOVES you and wants to take whatever burden you may be facing now, whether it's a sin or a struggle or a fear or really anything at all! “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you," child! (1 Peter 5:7) Won't you run to His arms?
That night I was left feeling a lot better and a lot more at peace, reminded of my Father in heaven even through my earthly father. I thank Jesus for this sweet message of hope and light in the scary world that today can be, and I pray for you as I write these words, that you too would be filled with the fullness of His love. Love you always, though He loves you even more. ❤️