Last year I began taking Dance 1 as a freshman, and now as a returning student and part of Dance 2, I'm starting to learn some more advanced moves. Calypsos and jete leaps and tilts are beautiful, believe me, it's just that I can't really do them--like, at all. For this perfection-craving girl, not being able to do something is a MAJOR problem.
{The studio at school. AKA the site of my ultimate embarrassment each day.}
I mean, do I look like I can do a calypso leap to you? ;)I find myself getting easily and constantly frustrated in my dance class. (It's one of the classes I look forward to most and also happen to dread the most at the same time!) I love dancing and seeing others dance, but when it's me out there on that wooden floor, I freeze up/freak out and end up basically wanting to run off, curl up in a ball, and cry. Why can't I get this right? What's wrong with me? I'm a horrible dancer! Just look at those girls, they can actually dance. I can't! Ugh!
I want it so badly and yet I feel so knocked down and hopeless whenever I try. It's not that I'm not used to putting forth the effort; it's just that I'm used to actually seeing results because I put in effort. But in dance class, that's not happening. And I'm pretty sure this won't be the only time in life I witness a similar situation.
So what can I do now? As I leave the dance studio each day, I'm faced with a longing and a question of what comes next. Lately, I'm starting to see things in a new light. The Lord has graciously, gently, and ever so sweetly reminded me of His grace during this time but in a way I didn't really expect. I have not felt suddenly better or instantly mastered the latest dance skill, but rather instead He's showing me the beauty of my weakness. One day, for example, as I left the studio, this one question hit me like a ton of bricks: Who said this wasn't good enough? That you aren't good enough?
That really hit me hard and caused me to think--because, really, who did decide that my dancing was so bad after all? And as I started to run this thought through my mind some more, I was reminded of this verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
Like whaaattt??!!
So this verse just totally topples all my thoughts and concerns and opinions upside down. My weakness makes Christ known? It doesn't make sense (like most things in this faith!) but in the most beautiful way.
In a small group time I helped with for some younger kids at our church, we talked about Colossians 3:23 and the concept of serving God in all we do and working in all things as if we were serving the Lord and not men, all to bring glory to Him. We had been talking to the kids about spiritual gifts and talents, what they did well, and how they could use that to honor God, and then the Lord just brought this idea to mind to share: the concept of glorifying God even in things we aren't great at. It wasn't something I had thought about much then, but in the coming days as I journeyed through harder and harder lessons in dance, I was convicted with the message I was really needing to preach to myself, not just to those fifth and sixth graders. If I want to serve Him in all I do, can't I serve Him too in even the things I don't do well? I might add that we can serve Him even more so in failure than when we do succeed. That's definitely what this verse says!
I am still learning to accept this weakness but not only that but to rejoice in it. He is worthy of the honor and glory and praise, even when my achievement and performance is less than praiseworthy. So friends, I would invite you to join me in viewing mistakes and failures a little differently, more like how our loving Father sees them. Let's allow Him to unbundle our stress, unload our suitcases of concern, and release our tight muscles that have so anxiously driven us to perfection. Let us just take a moment to rest in His arms...because perhaps not so much doing but rather relying on Him could bring even more glory and honor to Him than we could ever imagine or create on our own.
